So as I head toward this journey of motherhood I realize that there is so much that I want to have prepared prior to my daughter’s arrival. I have things to buy, rooms to set up and a lifestyle that needs reworking. Everything is being looked over carfully to assess its viability in this next chapter of my life. I’m not only assessing the physical aspects but also my state of mind as well as the way that I engage others. I want to BE who I want to see in her.
I pray…I pray for my child everyday. I pray for the friends she’ll gravitate toward. I pray for her mind, heart, strength, and faith. I pray for her future teachers. I pray that both her father and I will be able to foster an environment where she’ll feel protected and loved as well as allowing her to stand on her own two feet and be courageous when facing lifes trials. I pray that we encourage her dreams so that she knows that she can throw herself into her passions with our support, love, and pride never wavering in her.
So back to me BEING who I want to see in her: I realized that a bulk of my desires needed me to add myself into those prayers. It would force me to look at what it would take to pour these things into her. Do I have pride, love, and a supportive spirit within myself? I simply can’t give what I don’t have. And if it is possible to possess all of the positive I know for sure that I was capable of possessing all of the negative.
Full of It! In honest assesment of myself I saw it. I saw the IT that I wanted to avoid. That fearful, insecure, over compensating with “things” Shakia. The thing about kids that I know from my time teaching as well as just being around them is they have this keenly straight forward way of cutting through any and all facades and seeing the truth of a person. You want some raw uncut honesty…ask a child. Their mind is so innocent that they tend to have the audacity to believe that the truth should be acceptable to others without consequence of their feelings getting in the way.
So you mean to tell me I have to address me in order to be the best example to her!! I have some good, but I will be continuously acknowledging and addressing those things that I’m full of. Both good and bad so that my child can have me as an example. I wish I can say that I’ll have it all together by the time she gets here, but more than likely I’ll still be working out my souls salvation with fear and trembling. We will grow side by side. Full of love, courage, intellegence, and faith…But one thing we won’t ever be full of is OURSELVES. What are you full of??